have been splurging on a lot of stuff lately.
bought a top n a skirt.
today i went to get a job.
it was actually a job agency so i will have to wait for tt person to contact me so i can go to work.
not v stable though.
ntuc would have been more stable but i would love to have a change of environment.
get more exp ;p
anw me, mx n ce went to heeren n took neoprints.
lol
it has been ages since i have last took any neoprints.

***

ta-dah...!!! =)
here r our neoprints. =)
[my hair looks strange cos i tied it up]

***




***

hurrays to neoprints. =)
pretty.

***



***



***



***



***



***



***

i wrote the 'ai' (love in chinese) in the last pic. pretty =)


wee~
[best word to describe my emo now]
haha.
went to THIS FASHION at paya lebar with yangzi on sat.
it was a v random decision.
we stayed there for 3hrs and tried on a lot of clothes.
=)
i wanted tis purple top but then well...
it some how disappeared aft i decided to get it.
anw i got tis beige top w gold prints and...
miraculously i got a SKIRT.
[shock of my life]
haha. the skirt not bad la.
yz bought a top n a skirt as well.
lol n she was complaining tt the skirt was just not her style but she still bought it anw.
cos it was simply [cute?] skirt.
[not so much of cute but a happening skirt ;)]
lol needa slim down le, taken in too much fat ever since aft the promos.
haben been working out since.
so i met karen today.
we went swimming. [at her hse]
then we swam ten laps in an hr.
not much of an achievement but it was something.
aft which karen n her parents, plus me went to the area at my hse.
there was a night bazaar. [pasar malam]
most of the stalls were opened despite the fact that it was suppose to be a NIGHT bazaar and it was still bright and early.
bought a cap there.
quiksilver de.
looks v real though. got it for $6.50.
=)
i m happy.


the burning rock made my wish come true.
[kind of]
but why do i not feel happy?
[made a wrg wish]
now i wish for otherwise.
my life is not wad i wish wish for.
call me greedy,
call me a pig.
wadeva it is.
but i hate tis LIFE [sucks]

***
shouts: GET ME OUT OF TIS CONCRETE JUNGLE...


n this is Sephiroth. ^^
the bad guy. shonen too.
[drools]



(Cloud in the above pic...cool...)
i have watched 'final fantasy 7' for the 2nd time!
this time i wasnt eyeing on the cute guys.
[ok so mayb i did a little]
but i totally understand the plot rite now.
there is this stream on Earth that gives everything its life and all.
they call it 'Lifestream'.
then one day a calamity fell on Earth, they call it Jenova.
and blah blah blah.
so there is this guy by the name of Shinra.
and he found a way to tap energy from lifestream.
and he created a bunch of SOLDIERS to stop those who tried to stop him.
so it was a complicated plot.
well u have to watch it to find out.
but i would say it was SUPERB.
then shinra injected the jenova cells into these SOLDIERS.
then there was this particular SOLDIER who was better than the rest, Sephiroth.
[all the cool names ;p]
he started to hate the world and those who created him.
well so he took revenge by wanting to take over Earth.
blah blah so there were all the monsters and stuff.
then Cloud and his friends fought through the hard times.
then those with the jenova cells had the disease called geostigma.
but eventually everybody was cured.
it was a happy ending! =)
lol

***

sorry i suck at telling stories.
but it was a good show.
considering all the cute guys and cool graphics.
the background was so real.
final fantasy rocks cos they had reli cool graphics.
for those who love animated characters and computer graphics,
this is a highly recommended show.
=)


omg i have fallen for yet another animated character, Cloud.
typical shonen with blond hair and cool haircut.
in fact practically the whole show was packed with shonens.
lol *woot*
my mum rented 'final fantasy 7'
cool show.
difficult to understand though.
so i reckoned tt i might as well drool over the cute guys rather than trying hard to understand the plot.
wee~
i m going to wake up early tml morning to watch it for the 2nd time.
wahaha.
great show.
love the cute guys. yea.
hip hip hurray for the japanese artists who have drawn such wonderful characters.
[wish: only if they can just walk right out of the tv]
haha cute guys surrounding me. =)
claps claps, i wana draw like that too.
hmm...i shall try reli hard tml to understand the plot so i can blog it n share it w everybody on how the cute guy fought with the dreaded monster.
lol.
i must be nuts.
it actually hurts me to see Cloud getting hurt by the monster. O.o
lol. then agn he was so cool when he tried to killed the monster.
he sort of 'flew' with some help.
ppl kept popping out and flinging him up towards the sky.
cool stunt. [grins]
ga-ga.


meridian junior college shouldnt be by that name.
i call it 'mad-ridden' junior college.
all the mugging freaks. they have all turned mad.. Yeaks!
it is totally beneath me to say that i am part of the family.
cos i m not.
i cannot picture myself in the future of that dreadful institute.
the monstrousity intimidates me.
where did my burning rock go?
[made a wish]
it has yet to come true.
so the legend of shooting stars having the ability to grant wishes have become a myth.

***

life sucks.
life never was rox-ing anyway if u lived in the 21st century.
i seriously wouldn't mind if i had a time-machine and i could go back a few decades ago.
n still be sitting by the stream catching tadpoles or digging earthworms in the fields.
life wouldn't have been much more easier but at least it will a carefree life.
bleah.
who cares anyway if u r in 'mad-ridden',
the studying epidemic had long ago infected everybody.
perhaps only me, i had the vaccine.
so it turns out that i m not infected and i became stupid.
so i would say that it is a smart disease that affected everyone.
mind you, stupidity is not contagious.
my actively-working phosphobilipid layers has successfully kept the 'mad-ridden' virus away from me.
[assuming that it is a viral disease=>incurable]
Lo and behold...i m NOT infected. so i m NOT intelligent.
pure stupidity invades me.
ah...the stupidity virus is taking over my body.
so now i m immobilised.
wadeva. byebye.


hatred appears in every chapter of my book.
but vengeance does not.
as i will bring it away with me into the nether world.

***

karen--teardrop of the ocean
me--light in the night

***

[emptiness]

***

ask not my results.
ask not my feelings.
ask not my agony.
ask not my past.
ask not my present.
ask not my future.
ask not what i have.
because i have nothing.

***

someone told me that whenever we cry, our brain shrinks by 30%.
if that was true my brain would have been the size of a pea by now.
my brain cells die off faster than it could grow.
i am sorry brain.
i couldn't help it.
my head feels light n empty.
must have been the brain size.
i will not regret my decision.
i have tried.
now i know that it just wasn't the place for me.
i was never meant to be there.
i was so wrong to even think that i would excel in that place.
now i know, i am wrong.
so even if i stayed, i know my own limits.
i am sorry for feeling this way.
i am sorry for hating people who lied to me.
i wonder to myself, "why did i even bother when i was going to leave?"
today, i had the strongest urge ever to leave this wretched place.
the place that had ruined me.
the place that had taken away any hope that i ever had from me.
morale: (-ve) infinity


just read my email n my ct sent me tis.
=A SHORT STORY ON TEAMWORK=
'This is a story about a family of 4 people: Every Body, Some Body, Any Body and No Body. There was an important job to be done, and Every Body was asked to do it. Every Body was sure Some Body would do it. Any Body could have done it, but No Body did it. Some Body got angry with that, because it was Every Body's job. Every Body thought Any Body could do it, but No Body realised that Every Body wouldn't do it. In the end, Every Body blamed Some Body when No Body did what Any Body could have done.'

***

ok so the story was somewhat meaningful.
but i was more interested in my version of the story.
it is called, 'A STORY ON SOMEBODY'
'so it all begins with the family of the same 4 people(not to be elaborated). There was this important job to be done and Every Body was suppose to do it. Every Body was sure Some Body will do it and Every Body was quite right about that. Eventually Some Body did do it because Every Body wasnt doing it. No Body could be bothered. Any Body could have done it but No Body did it. so Some Body did the job and Some Body blames Every Body for a job that No Body was bothered with.'
my story is way more interesting and factual. :)


now at sch...
open hse today.
feeling tired physically and mentally.
worst is that wr is still undone.
i stil have to stay up for wr tonight.
BAD news!!
darn.
sigh.
dun give excuses that you have commitments cos others have their own commitments as well.
dun tell me you r tired cos i m tired as well.
so DONT COMPLAIN.
so if the wr was sent to me before midnight,
it would have seemed early for whomever sent it.
but it's definitely late for whoever is editing it.
bloody hell dont give me the bullsit that compilation is a simple task.
COS IT IS NOT!
you do it if you think it's easy.
plus i have to do my own part n compile everyone's work.
and if you give me shit work i stay up even later to edit it.
sucks.
i have no obligations to do the compilation job.
it is not stated in any papers that a group leader must compile all the work.
so in order to save time n trouble of others, someone has to sacrifice.
dammit.
missed my anime just because i was too tired.
pw drains me. the sch drains me.
so even if nthg matters to me any more i will still have to perservere so that my incompetence wont affect others' results.
i am not going to be some stucked up, selfish freaks, who only thinks about themselves and thinking that they will be someone to cover their work for them.
listen up sucker!!
if you're not going to do it. then it is your loss.
dont blame me if your results are affected when the examiners question you.
and remember i have the ability to determine YOUR results because i can mark you down when it comes to assessment of group members.
ha. so what even you r able to assess the group leader? so what even if you r able to determine MY grades?
as if i would care.
because at least i know i've done my part n more.
n i m not going against my conscience. so dont try to give me bullshit.
i'll throw it back at your face.
in a bad mood now.
feeling tired and broke.
think i shall go work during the hols.
lol i cant believe i'm actually giving up the chance of going to south africa for the pitiful cash.
but i m pitiful and i need the cash.
~SHUT UP!


BLOODY HELL!!
stayed up all night to do wr.
curse the teacher who marked my wr if he were to say it's lousy.
curse whoever did not send me their part or sent me a piece of shit work.
making me suffer like that.
did not sleep a wink.
i m one pissed and angry girl.
dont mess with me today or you r so DEAD.
man...i should go claim credits for the work done.
how frustrating.
argh.


[now waiting for my beloved inuyasha to show on central.]
=)

***

requested love from jiaxian: ok i miss u alot la! haha
hmm...miss the silly girl. so long nvr c her.
actually ok la cos stil got go swimming together k?!!
i spouting nonsense liao.
must have been the 'having-too-much-sleep-but-stil-very-tired' syndrome.
slept like a pig ydae.
went hm, had my dinner then went to slp at 830pm.
woke up at 1130 n i found out i haben bathe. lol [stinks]
aft my shower then at 1200am i went back to slp.
haha.
in total i slpt 9hrs. [piggy*oinks*]

***

even after promos, i cant rest.
my whole life revolves around the school.
so even if there are no exams,
there are bound to be school related events that will definitely tire me out.
so now it all about pw, open hse n cca.
song bo.[v long nvr use tis phrase le]
sian dao.

***

wadeva.
i shall have happy thots.
inuyasha gonna show liao.
byebye.
HAPPY thoughts come my way...
~


i have adopted 2 pets!!
wee~
**puipui--[meaning fatfat in hokkien was named after my favourite syrian hamster, passed away during june in 2004 :(]
**xiaozhu--[luozhixiang!! =) *muacks*]

ok so my day was relatively good today.
but the chem lec kinda suck cos i cldnt b bothered to pay attention anymore.
slacking my time away.
hmm...so the chem lec kinda reaffirmed my decision.
well, actually i'm stil deciding.
what's reli holding me back would be that i'm afraid that i might not adapt to the poly environment.
shuacks. i'm so indecisive.

***

an abstract from my notebook:
[something which i wrote right before the last paper]
"But i know somewhere out there, there's still people, silently, cheering me on.
It's only that deafening pain screaming within me, blocks out everything.
Everything. Even myself.
Blame it not on me for my sorrows.
Blame it not on the school.
But on my stupidity and everyone else who contributed and made it worse.
Such hypocrisy.
Seeing her smile makes me shivers.
She knows nothing about me. She knows nothing at all. She pretended she knew.
But she did not. NOTHING AT ALL.

-EMPITINESS devours ME-

***

hmm...only a short part of it.
it was kinda like a suicidal note.
only that the abstract didnt exactly featured on that particular part.
so i said, "only till the parting of a student, then will the school be aware. only then, shall the schools slows it's pace."
lol.
thou shall be the student then.
so today a few of us were randomly chatting on which spot would be the best to 'jump'.
then we kinda concluded that the parade square would be the best cos that's where all the students and teachers must gather every morning.
until that day, we will forever be remembered(feared).
then i thot of another spot.
hang ourselves in the lec halls.
lt4 would be a good choice cos most of the students are there.
but i thot that lt5 was still the best becos the light there is usually dimmer n it gives the extra creepy effect.
hahaha.
so the scenario would be that b4 anyone enters the lec hall.
hang ourselves(at the centre of the hall, from the ceiling)
then when somebody comes in n switch on the lights.
lol. they'll be scared out of their wits.
***NOTE: do not choose secluded areas of the school becos eventually the school will cordoned off the area and then we will be forgotten.

***

lol. i need help.
counselling?
nah...not exactly sucidal la.
just thot of them for fun. hehex.


exams r over.
wee?
nah.
i'll pass that.
no sense of satisfaction derived from end of exams.
n no sense of happiness.
bet evry1 is feeling so.
read some of their blogs n found out there r actually a lot of unhappy mjc ppl out there.

today at 10am(i was stil slping).
guess wad?
my ex-supervisor from ntuc called asked when my hols r starting.
in other words she wanted me back to work.
despite telling her tt i was unable to work til march(the peak periods due to cny)
she was stil willing to welcome me back.
she said she wanted ppl for nov n dec, n i was a good choice.
lol
i suppose tt's like the only place i can go to work wout a degree in hand.
she needed ppl. or perhaps she needed me.
lol i wldnt deny i was a pretty good worker there.
haha cos i was owaes doing the admin work.
though i m hired as a cashier.
[hey!! no fair i shud b receiving her pay cheque then ;p]
actually i dun intend to return to ntuc tho the ppl there r reli nice.
but i wish to find other place to work, if i reli do decide to work during the hols.
hmm...
if i were to work out a mindmap on 'future-routes- i-wld-take-in-future',
woah...it's gonna b 1 big mindmap.
cos currently it wld b either i go ntuc to work n go poly or not work n remain in mjc(tt is if i do not get kicked out)
life sucks when ur choices suck.
n now, my choices suck.
both of them.
all on extreme ends, so if i choose either 1 the outcome wld b v different?
ok let's analyse the situation...

***

[work at ntuc n go poly]
boon:
1. less stress
2. i get to study a course tt i wld reli like n want
3. i will be happier
4. my social circle is greatly widened[n there will b a higher possibility of being attached...lol]
bane:
1. lower chance of getting in uni?
2. i might b stuck at ntuc FOREVER!...[NOOOO...!!]
3. a hole in my wallet cos i will have to buy new clothes constantly[cos there is no more uniform in poly!]
conclusion:
despite the fact that there are more advantages if i were to work at ntuc n go poly. the thought of being stuck at ntuc forever really turns me off. [whoops. ;p sorry but i dun wan to be a cashier forever, makes my hands rough n dry]
therefore i conclude there is a very low possibility that these two will come together.
possibility of choice:10%

[work at ntuc n remain in mjc]
boon:
1. i get to work n earn money. ($.$)
2. i wont have to leave my frens n teachers ;)
3. higher chances of making it into uni
bane:
1. it's gonna b a tough struggle for me in the nxt few yrs to come.[ i have to work extra hard to catch up]
2. i will stil b stuck with doing things that i have no interest in
conclusion:
though it may sound reli nice tt i can get the cash n stil have a chance of making it into uni, i must stil rmb that comes with studying reli hard as well. so there is stil a chance of me not entering uni. n wad happens if i dont make it pass A levs? wad wld become of me then? return to ntuc? dont sound tempting anymore. yuck.
possibility of choice: 10%

[not work anywhere, stay hm n prepare for the oncoming battle during the nxt yr in mjc]
boon:
1. very high chance of becoming the nxt smart kid in town =)
2. very high chance of passing my A levs n make it into uni
3. i get to remain in mjc where everyone is
bane:
1. no more money :(
2. i'm the nxt mugger kid in town
3. higher chances of getting depression[hey! i'm alrdy a depressed kid]
4. my social circles will stil b v small...wahaha
conclusion:
although the disadvantages outweighs the advantages, it is stil very possible that i might eventually choose this option. because my final destination wld b uni:Architecture! =D
possibility of choice: 40%

[work somewhere else n go poly]
boon:
1. my social circle is greatly widen by the ppl from my workplace n learning institute
2. i get the money n i get the course i want
3. i m relaxed=>lower chances of getting depression
bane:
1. i become a slacker...lol[hmm...tis shud b under the boon section]
2. leaving all my frens in mjc
conclusion:
very very alluring. not much of anything to add, really.
possibility of choice: 40%

***
there ends my mindmap session of my future.
stay tune to more.
currently i only have these few choices.
if not where else can i go? LASELLE?
ooohh...i have thought of that.
in fact tt was my dream institute when i was in pri sch.
but then i realise the cost of going into the sch too high le la!!!
poor ppl like me cant afford!! O.o
nvm...
all is stil good.

***

oh yes...an added reminder to all those who felt that they have not worked hard enough.
it's ok. because it's over. no point griefing over wad is lost.
initially i thought i din work hard enough.
but then again...wad is 'working hard enough'?
i felt i have tried though i dont think it was my best.
well, there will nvr come a point when we wld feel that we have done our best.
wad's most impt tt we have done better than the last time, we have tried harder than the last time.
n tt was wad i did. =)

***

the sound of the waves crashing upon the shore conceals my cries of agony [silent screams]

i’m just who I am, who I'm suppose to be.
HY.

i am Highly delusional. i worship self-praise. i give praise to self-denial. don't ask me whY. i'm just who i am, who i'm suppose to be.
♥♥♥♥♥


credits to banned story which i have used to creating the "oh-so-cute" maplerized versions of besties and me. credits to shuning for the GIF compilation. =)



bold italic underline strike

people.

abi
ahtan

cailing

jiaxian
jinwen

meixin

shiqi
shuning

tracy

xueli

zhihui
zhixin
zihui

the moments.

July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010

the melody.

let me go.

blogskin of invalid.love
x