Thursday, August 24, 2006 8:16 PM
i managed to sign in today.
cldn't sign in the past few days.
anw...been giving myself a lot of stress i suppose.
then now, not only m i worried abt promos.
i'm oso worried abt getting into the course that i wan in uni.
dun even noe if i can make it.
a few yrs ago.
the cut off point for architecture in NUS is >60 n the max points tt 1 can get is 68.
so it's kinda impossible to get into this course.
plus i wld need an interview to affirm my position in the archi course.
so i got rather upset tt day when i heard abt it.
it so of made me lose the incentive to work harder anymore.
so i got rather a-p recently.
ppl use to say tt being a doctor or a lawyer is a prestigious job, but nobody ever mention architects.
they are afterall the ones who lay the foundation of the country when it was founded.
they are the ones who ensure us with a safely-structured and comfortable home.
being a doctor wld have been an easier option, in fact.
becos the course does not require an interview and the cut-off point is only 50+.
so it seems relatively easier.
lol. irony.
n to tink some ppl might tink being a doctor is a tougher job.
but i dun deny tt being a lawyer requires much intelligence and attention.
the requirements for entering the 'law' course in NUS is equivalent to tt of archi.
sigh...
big SIGH...
***
Mugging is no longer an option, it is a MUST.
Monday, August 14, 2006 11:40 PM
1st day of sch aft the long weekend.
din had enuf slp despite the fact i had the whole 5 days.
wasnt exactly good today actually.
bad in fact.
my morale was fluctuating during different lessons.
econs:[morale=-1.5]
chem:[morale=2]
cos i passed my chem test though i din do the last qn.
lol.
then after sch:[morale:0.5]
haha.
cos i was doing econs.
econs totally dampens my spirits.
sorry ahtan for ap-ing u.
actually i din.
just tt i get unusually upset when it's lesson time
so i become reli easily peeved.
after sch it's much beta cos i get to do things at my pace.
no rush.
so the mood naturally gets beta, i suppose.
=)
overall morale for the day:[morale=1.00] (3 s.f.)
;p
Saturday, August 12, 2006 4:19 PM
~~~another normal day~~~
p.s(got a new bag--just love it. i'm lovin' it.)
Friday, August 04, 2006 10:04 PM
seen the vp.
not i a v good experience i wld say.
went to the general office on thurs.
sat down at the sofa n waited.
then spencer cam out n told me it was bad.
ok so it WAS bad.
the moment i stepped in.
she asked those same qns tt the teachers asked.
[got frustrated]
didn't know wad to say.
so i just let the tear glands do the job.
wadeva.
bad experience.
spent a freaking 1 hr to do a workplan which she wanted.
waste of time.
lol kept saying i wanted to die tt day.
but nah...
too afraid of pain.
but mayb[just mayb] if i do go crazy i might reli just jump off a building without myself knowing. haha.
so it was like a reli bad day for me tt day.
then i kept saying stupid stuff like jumping off from the 2nd floor of the sch wun kill me.
at most i'll just bcome a vegetable, even if i do land head first.
a teacher heard me n she totally freaked out, her jaws dropped.
lol [tt was according to corine]
hahaha.
my tears glands sure worked hard tt day.
it was a non-stop tap, just kept flowing.
got reli tired.
realise i became so haggard n there were dark rings n eyebags.
i looked totally 'yuck'.
[it's just tt i look v frail?? i mean i look reli tired]
haben been getting enuf slp.
thruout the week i got abt 19hrs of slp.
an average of abt less than 4hrs of slp a day.
cool...to tink i can stil survive.
woah. i m amazed.
***
eversince i came to tis sch.
i have mastered two skills.
the ability to be a walking zombie n
the ability to let my tears flow whenever n where-ever i wan.
just in sch today.
we had to meet our pw teacher regarding the grp issue.
there was some displeasure amongst the grp members.
it was 4 against 1.
actually it was more like 2 against 1 n the other 2 was sitting on the fence.
then my teacher was supposedly the 'meditator'.
well he didnt quite do his job in meditating us.
he just stood there n got us to voice out our happiness.
well it all started w tis boy or guy [wadeva he is]
anyway, he didnt quite do his part for the grp so me n another grp member got reli pissed.
so we confronted the teacher.
yup. so the teacher got us together which wasnt reli of any help bcos i got reli pissed.
my face looked horrid.
i was glaring at tt guy n i gave my teacher the 'dun-u-dare-piss-me-off' look.
my teacher knew i was unhappy w the whole thing.
asked me to voice out wad i felt.
com'on!! i've talked to him nicely i even screamed at him!!
wad more can i do if tt boy or guy doesn't even wana do his part right??!!
man...i'm pissed.
[the keyboard is gonna go soon. at the way i'm typing the keys on the board might just get stuck. i'm pressing real hard on evry key right now cos i'm reli pissed. lol]
==>[sorry for the lack of vocab. but pissed is just the right word to describ ewad i'm feeling right now]
ok mayb frustrated as well.
i feel lousy anyway.
i even talked back at the teacher cos he said,"u all shud try to get along cos afterall u all chose the grp."
o.O
i said,"NO..! we didn't choose the grps ourselves!"
it was a good thing the teach didnt hear me.
i cld have sworn tt i wld have killed 'uh-hmm' if i had a knife in my hand.slit his throat n let the air leak from his windpipe til his lungs deflate.
n cut all his arteries n let his blood run dry then i'll minced the meat. wahaha.lol. i most prob wld have been jailed for tt.
haha. lightest sentence wld have been man-slaughter.
life sentence in jail.
[sorry. woman=evil]
***
then after sch we had bio remedial lectures.
i broke down as soon as i went out of the lecture theatre.
i duno y but my tears glands just went against me.
i reli din wana cry.
i just cldnt help it.
[morale=still 0]
Tuesday, August 01, 2006 11:37 PM
2nd time i'm here today.
i use to wonder how can ppl actually study w music?
then at last i realise y.
it's to prevent ourselves from falling aslp while doing our work.
it kinda worked for me.
so perhaps all those who r suffering from the 'i-get-slpy-when-i-work' syndrome can actually give this a try.
it might b effective!
***
btw thx to all who cares.
lol
been talking abt suicide lately cos life is so depressing.
[morale=zero]
reached hm today, got alil pissed by my mum cos everyday(mind u i mean EVERYDAY), withour fail she'll definitely ask how's my math.
got reli irritated cos it's like how good can it get over a single night??!
got reli tired of answering her qns.
but then when i was cooping myself up in the room to do the chem tys qns which was only told to us by today n which we will have to hand in by tml, my mum came in.
she kinda stared at me.
ok mayb just a very long look.
then i looked at her.
i was like, "what?"
then she asked,"hen nan du ah?" (means: very difficult to study isit?)
i nodded.
she said,"ni yao zhuan qu poly ah?" (means: u wana go poly isit?)
i shook my head.
[all the above conv are in chi]
i din wana go poly cos it's not tt it will b any easier to get into the uni.
i cried when my mum went out of my room.
cos i was touched.
i somehow felt that she understood me at last.
now that both my parents knew how i felt, all the more i shudn't let them down.
i'm tired. i reli am.
and the real battle hasn't even started.
only in the midst of a warm-up n i'm alr breaking down.
[worn-out]
***
special thanks to ah tan.
whom despite of her bz schedule, stil made time to email me.
she asked me to relax. comforted me.
cos it's like i kinda change aft i came to jc.
cos jc life is so stress for me n i'm going bonkers.
kept talking abt suicide stuff.
thx ah tan. =)
[looking forward to thurs ;p]
[i pray HARD tt 06S304 will promote as a WHOLE class.]
ok now i'm sad again.
my happiness nvr did last.
n it owaes don't.
got real depressed after math tutorial today.
nobody understands me.
last resort: suicide
but that will only b the last resort.
so what's next?
nxt resort: tink of ways to suicide, die a peaceful n painless death
had to c the vp on thurs.
woah.
felt kinda important all of a sudden.
nvr in my life had i need to meet the vice principal bcos of results.
in sec sch, i meet the vp cos of founder's day proposals.
rmb those times when me n my teacher n the vp were discussing over the proposals
n now i'm all alone to talk abt results.
lol.
i m FAMOUS.
*wooT*
why doesn't anyone try to know how i feel?
why does everyone put on that 'i-understand-how-u-feel' look.
irks me.
puts me off.
scram.
